Tuesday 10th August 2010.10am - 4pm
An unusual start time today but needed the lie in after the 6am starts.
The Algerian is in serious physical pain,his back is crumbling under the stress of the job and excess weight but he still soldiers on for his £7.50/hr.I have been trying to help him by suggesting exercises and strengthening techniques.
I was given a skip of paperbacks to distribute in the small unit.Ginger nut was there and he congratulated me on the writing.He is a budding journalist so i took the compliment as genuine.After that menial task and covering his break i was unleashed in the large unit.
That means cockney scrubber and a fringe member of the Pakistani mafia for company.
The mafioso is clueless,he needs to be told what to do every step of the way.When the tills are quiet he stands there doing nothing.The key to running a tight ship is to utilise quiet moments by tidying up behind the tills,preparing a tobacco order,checking the floats in all tills,ensuring the security register is signed.
I ushered him into the unit and forced him into physical graft.He always brings his own gloves.I took over the tills and was in a TPS mood.It's Galaxy,Skittles and Starbursts this week.They are a good combination for easy sales.The obese punters lap them up,its like giving candy to a baby.
The Algerian revealed to me a shocking fact today.The PLC doesn't pay for 95% of the stock.I have always known that newspapers,magazines and books are on sale or return but at the PLC most products are.In fact the suppliers pay us to stock their products.What an incredible business this is.They don't shell out any cash and just sit back and get fat on the sales.
Last month we made £131,00 net profit in our units.Now i know what they discuss in their management meetings.They had one of those today.Sandy Gall bags,the slim Indian cricketer and The Algerian were present.
A bouncy American girl responded enthusiastically to my, "Hi,how are you?"
"I'm fantastic,how are you?" she replied eagerly.
"Do you fancy a Galaxy with your Vogue" i pressed.
"Yes,why not i've got lots of change to spend" she answered foolishly
"I think you could do with a packet of Skittles and a Starburst" i went for the kill.
She was actually attractive in a strange way.Ample bosom,dark hair,early 20's,big booty and child bearing hips.Her personality was attractive.
She was on her way to Paris for 3 days with a friend.The friend purchased some postcards and unfortunately it looked like they could have been a pair of Dick Van Dykes".
The unusual shift time meant that i overlapped with the evening crew including Rasta boy,the DJ,Bollywood Princess,fat Indian bird.
Fat Indian bird had phoned in ill.The supervisors were concerned that they would be short staffed for a change.Then at 2pm i saw her arrive for work with a walk that resembles a hunchback.She had a bad back probably caused by overeating and lack of exercise.The King failed to call her back earlier in the day and therefore made her feel guilty about taking time off.Furthermore,she soldiered on without knowing that they had already replaced her with a last minute stand in.What did she expect? We're just a number with no meaning.
I spent the last 2 hours replenishing the big unit with drinks and sweets.
Off i went to meet the Lithuanian builders at our new abode.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Monday, 9 August 2010
Crestgate and the US Military
Monday 9th August 2010.6am - 2pm
There are lots of staff away at the moment and somehow i found myself volunteering to "do" the magazines.
That involves cages and serious physical graft.I distributed hundreds of magazines ranging from Vogue to the Investors Chronicle.It was a good opportunity to have a look at the hundreds of titles that the PLC stocks.Every taste is catered for from Tattoo addicts to Wine buffs.
This task took approximately 5 hours and part of the process is to remove the out of date publications.Once the returns are dealt with they have to be boxed up and labelled.
Gay boy was on board with me today in the big unit and he's on the level.
We had a ball today.For an 18 year old kid he is very well read and seems totally different from most teenagers.He watches old shows like Blackadder and is a budding journalist.
The cockney scrubber was also present but she was snowed under with 12 skips of books to distribute.
At around 11.30am the big Pakistani unit who runs the stock room handed us a box of Crest toothpaste.The tubes weren't travel size they were the size you find in Morrison's.Gay boy collapsed in a fit of laughter which lasted 5 minutes.He found the whole stuation very amusing that the PLC sells toothpaste even though Boots is 2 doors away.
He was fascinated by the size of the tubes which could last every holiday for the rest of your life.
The rank curry i consumed at "Curry Asia" last night was repeating on me and i had to run to the WC for a rapid clear out.
Business was steady and time was flying by.
A squat muscular Yank arrived at the till with a Citicorp credit card to settle a £15 bill.
Gay boy tried to process the payment but couldn't do it.He called me in for assistance and even with manual input of the numbers it was "declined".
"I'm from the US military and they have given me an allowance for 3 days of travelling" he said.
"Unfortunately,the card has been declined on several occasions and i suggest you contact the issuing bank" i replied.
As Uncle Sam walked away sheepishly,Gay boy remarked "Is this how the US military treat their soldiers?"
The King was buzzing today and he summoned me for a meeting,my stomach turned over.I thought i had been rumbled.It was a chat to confirm my working hours for the previous 2 weeks.
I finished at 2.05pm and went to meet HID to collect the keys for our new abode.
There are lots of staff away at the moment and somehow i found myself volunteering to "do" the magazines.
That involves cages and serious physical graft.I distributed hundreds of magazines ranging from Vogue to the Investors Chronicle.It was a good opportunity to have a look at the hundreds of titles that the PLC stocks.Every taste is catered for from Tattoo addicts to Wine buffs.
This task took approximately 5 hours and part of the process is to remove the out of date publications.Once the returns are dealt with they have to be boxed up and labelled.
Gay boy was on board with me today in the big unit and he's on the level.
We had a ball today.For an 18 year old kid he is very well read and seems totally different from most teenagers.He watches old shows like Blackadder and is a budding journalist.
The cockney scrubber was also present but she was snowed under with 12 skips of books to distribute.
At around 11.30am the big Pakistani unit who runs the stock room handed us a box of Crest toothpaste.The tubes weren't travel size they were the size you find in Morrison's.Gay boy collapsed in a fit of laughter which lasted 5 minutes.He found the whole stuation very amusing that the PLC sells toothpaste even though Boots is 2 doors away.
He was fascinated by the size of the tubes which could last every holiday for the rest of your life.
The rank curry i consumed at "Curry Asia" last night was repeating on me and i had to run to the WC for a rapid clear out.
Business was steady and time was flying by.
A squat muscular Yank arrived at the till with a Citicorp credit card to settle a £15 bill.
Gay boy tried to process the payment but couldn't do it.He called me in for assistance and even with manual input of the numbers it was "declined".
"I'm from the US military and they have given me an allowance for 3 days of travelling" he said.
"Unfortunately,the card has been declined on several occasions and i suggest you contact the issuing bank" i replied.
As Uncle Sam walked away sheepishly,Gay boy remarked "Is this how the US military treat their soldiers?"
The King was buzzing today and he summoned me for a meeting,my stomach turned over.I thought i had been rumbled.It was a chat to confirm my working hours for the previous 2 weeks.
I finished at 2.05pm and went to meet HID to collect the keys for our new abode.
Friday, 6 August 2010
Teaching Actor Dave
Friday 6th August 2010.6am-2pm
As I entered the station i saw one of the boys pushing a cage full of newspapers and he said "You look younger every time i see you,what's your secret?"
"Lots of exercise,no drinking,no smoking, and lots of sex" i replied.
I was banished to the small unit at 6am where i was joined by: The female Terry Thomas,Slow boy and Actor Dave.
Terry Thomas was only with me for an hour before The Algerian moved her to another unit.Slow boy did his usual thing which was unload the sandwiches and smoothies,prepare a list,go to the stock room,bring the stock back on a standard issue cage and then distribute the products.He returned at 10.18am.
The Friday early morning business was steady but manageable which gave me time to prepare an impressive selection of TPS on my section.
More importantly actor Dave was with me for the first time since i began work at the PLC.
We discussed several important subjects such as,French women,fake tan,sun beds,single English women and obesity.
When one has the pleasure of working with slow boy and actor Dave one has to have patience and tolerance because they haven't got a brain cell between them.
Once again the actor was making "arrrgh" noises when faced with tricky punters and under pressure.In all the time i have been at the PLC i haven't seen him have one conversation with a female.
He told me that he maybe moving back to Norwich with his parents soon which is where he was born.
"How long have you been working here?" i asked the actor.
"3 years in October" he answered.
"You need to get out mate and move on with the rest of your life" i countered
"Aaarrgh" he grunted.
I intentionally tried very hard today to try and help the actor learn how to engage in conversations with members of the opposite sex.
I told him that if i was single and much younger i would be in utopia.The sheer volume of females that we meet every day,albeit for a short time,would result in at least a few dates.
I showed him the way and told him to look at their wedding ring fingers and assess the shop to see if their is a boyfriend/husband hovering in the unit.
Ensure that you greet them with "Hello,how are you today?" or "Bonjour,comment allez vous?".Of course the French greeting can only happen if you are certain they are le Francais.
"Once the ice has been broken you can then ask them whether they are travelling or on their way to work.If they are still talking at this stage then you're in with a chance" i explained.
It must have worked because a miracle took place,within 2 hours he was talking to women for the first time in his life.I sense of fatherly pride engulfed me.
On Friday's the Algerian loses the plot.He has worked so hard all week and by the time we reach the end of the week he becomes increasingly abusive to the staff.
He went on the Tills today which was a fisrt and i had a good laugh watching him trying to show us how to undertake successful TPS with an Algerian accent and 4 days growth.
He knew i was taking the piss out of him but he was in a different world by now.They called me back into the big unit for a final 2 hour blitz.It was manic,the King was even behind a till at one point dealing with a problem.He may be incredibly rude but he is very calm under pressure and deals with problems methodically.
2pm was here and off i went passing the evening crew and exchanging brief pleasantries.
The mobile went at 5.35pm and it was the King "Hi,i was hoping to catch up with you after your shift.You know how you always work Saturday's but you're not down to work this Saturday can you work tomorrow?" he requested.
"I've made plans already sorry i can't help you" I replied.
The King only talks to us if he wants something,that's his management style.
As I entered the station i saw one of the boys pushing a cage full of newspapers and he said "You look younger every time i see you,what's your secret?"
"Lots of exercise,no drinking,no smoking, and lots of sex" i replied.
I was banished to the small unit at 6am where i was joined by: The female Terry Thomas,Slow boy and Actor Dave.
Terry Thomas was only with me for an hour before The Algerian moved her to another unit.Slow boy did his usual thing which was unload the sandwiches and smoothies,prepare a list,go to the stock room,bring the stock back on a standard issue cage and then distribute the products.He returned at 10.18am.
The Friday early morning business was steady but manageable which gave me time to prepare an impressive selection of TPS on my section.
More importantly actor Dave was with me for the first time since i began work at the PLC.
We discussed several important subjects such as,French women,fake tan,sun beds,single English women and obesity.
When one has the pleasure of working with slow boy and actor Dave one has to have patience and tolerance because they haven't got a brain cell between them.
Once again the actor was making "arrrgh" noises when faced with tricky punters and under pressure.In all the time i have been at the PLC i haven't seen him have one conversation with a female.
He told me that he maybe moving back to Norwich with his parents soon which is where he was born.
"How long have you been working here?" i asked the actor.
"3 years in October" he answered.
"You need to get out mate and move on with the rest of your life" i countered
"Aaarrgh" he grunted.
I intentionally tried very hard today to try and help the actor learn how to engage in conversations with members of the opposite sex.
I told him that if i was single and much younger i would be in utopia.The sheer volume of females that we meet every day,albeit for a short time,would result in at least a few dates.
I showed him the way and told him to look at their wedding ring fingers and assess the shop to see if their is a boyfriend/husband hovering in the unit.
Ensure that you greet them with "Hello,how are you today?" or "Bonjour,comment allez vous?".Of course the French greeting can only happen if you are certain they are le Francais.
"Once the ice has been broken you can then ask them whether they are travelling or on their way to work.If they are still talking at this stage then you're in with a chance" i explained.
It must have worked because a miracle took place,within 2 hours he was talking to women for the first time in his life.I sense of fatherly pride engulfed me.
On Friday's the Algerian loses the plot.He has worked so hard all week and by the time we reach the end of the week he becomes increasingly abusive to the staff.
He went on the Tills today which was a fisrt and i had a good laugh watching him trying to show us how to undertake successful TPS with an Algerian accent and 4 days growth.
He knew i was taking the piss out of him but he was in a different world by now.They called me back into the big unit for a final 2 hour blitz.It was manic,the King was even behind a till at one point dealing with a problem.He may be incredibly rude but he is very calm under pressure and deals with problems methodically.
2pm was here and off i went passing the evening crew and exchanging brief pleasantries.
The mobile went at 5.35pm and it was the King "Hi,i was hoping to catch up with you after your shift.You know how you always work Saturday's but you're not down to work this Saturday can you work tomorrow?" he requested.
"I've made plans already sorry i can't help you" I replied.
The King only talks to us if he wants something,that's his management style.
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Slow boy and TPS
Thursday 5th August 2010.6am - 2pm
6 hours sleep,alarm at 4.45am and arrived at 5.50am.Starbucks was already open, so had a warm "hot" chocolate and asked the Sri Lankan cricketer if i could work anywhere but the upstairs unit.
My wishes were granted and I joined the thick Somalian at 6am.He disappeared to complete the paper distribution and i was left to hold the fort.
I was on fire today and I needed to be.The phone went at 7.30am and it was the Algerian,"Your TPS was very poor mate only 1.1%" he said.
"I only had mint Aero's to sell,no £1 stickers and no-one buys chocolate at 6am" i replied.
A silence took place and the phone call was terminated abruptly.
The TPS was buzzing,the promotions were Skittles,Starbursts,all flavours of Galaxy and some dodgy chewing gum.
The quality of the women were exceptional today.Most of them were going to Paris with their partners but that didn't hold me back.I look at their fingers for wedding rings and plan my attack accordingly.
There was a very attractive English woman of about 30 who was smiling at me in the queue and that's like a red rag to a bull for me.I immediately collared her and she was off to visit her parents at their farm in Northampton on her own.
Its sad that we have the highest proportion of single over 30's in Europe.Lots of the female punters are happy going away with their girlfriends and don't even seem interested in finding a boyfriend.Of course i am carrying out vital research in the name of improving our society.
By now slow boy was on the scene talking complete gibberish as usual.The amount of time he takes to complete the replinishment process is ridiculous.
The process invloves making a thorough list of items required and then going to the stock room and filling a cage with the items.He then has to wheel the cage back to our unit and distribute the items in the correct positions.He may also have to insert new price slips under the products on the shelves.Whilst all this is going on he may have to jump onto a till to assist me with thirsty news hungry punters.
The Daily Mail readers are interesting because they are all the same age and have the same colour hair and even dress the same.
The English trolley dolly with French Glamour appeared out of nowhere,it was like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
She had purple nail varnish and was looking as dirty as she had all those weeks ago.
"Long time no see,where have you been?" i started.
"They sent me to Ashford but i'm back now,have you missed me?" she replied with a toothy grin and a husky voice.
"Are you back here for good?" i enquired.
"Yes, and i'm working a 12 hour shift today" she continued
"Where do you live?" i asked.
"Wood Green and you?" she answered
"I live close to here...." i said.
Off she went with her cigarettes and Lipton Iced Tea.
Rasta boy arrived at 12 and i haven't worked with him for ages.He is becoming increasingly lazy and slapdash in his work.He needs to find direction because he's going nowhere fast.We had a laugh and he said,"The only 2 people i like working with are you and the Romeo,you guys crack me up innit".
He is 26 and living at home and has no hope of getting his won place and this is beginning to affect his state of mind.
Some impressive flirting took place in the lunchtime session including a large blonde female from Leeds in her early 20's.I've noticed with all these large women that they have pleasant boat races and if they lost a few stone in weight they would have men falling over themselves.
I tidied up the whole back area behind the tills even though i know within 2 days it will be untidy again.The Algerian started calling me "The Englishman" again and kept on telling me i looked tired.
Its a fair point,i'm not used to these early shifts.The fat Indian bird is leaving at the end of the month to go back to India.She's completed her MBA and her Dad has arranged an interview with a global shipping company.Good luck to her i thought and walked off via the shop that the flat chested blonde works in.
6 hours sleep,alarm at 4.45am and arrived at 5.50am.Starbucks was already open, so had a warm "hot" chocolate and asked the Sri Lankan cricketer if i could work anywhere but the upstairs unit.
My wishes were granted and I joined the thick Somalian at 6am.He disappeared to complete the paper distribution and i was left to hold the fort.
I was on fire today and I needed to be.The phone went at 7.30am and it was the Algerian,"Your TPS was very poor mate only 1.1%" he said.
"I only had mint Aero's to sell,no £1 stickers and no-one buys chocolate at 6am" i replied.
A silence took place and the phone call was terminated abruptly.
The TPS was buzzing,the promotions were Skittles,Starbursts,all flavours of Galaxy and some dodgy chewing gum.
The quality of the women were exceptional today.Most of them were going to Paris with their partners but that didn't hold me back.I look at their fingers for wedding rings and plan my attack accordingly.
There was a very attractive English woman of about 30 who was smiling at me in the queue and that's like a red rag to a bull for me.I immediately collared her and she was off to visit her parents at their farm in Northampton on her own.
Its sad that we have the highest proportion of single over 30's in Europe.Lots of the female punters are happy going away with their girlfriends and don't even seem interested in finding a boyfriend.Of course i am carrying out vital research in the name of improving our society.
By now slow boy was on the scene talking complete gibberish as usual.The amount of time he takes to complete the replinishment process is ridiculous.
The process invloves making a thorough list of items required and then going to the stock room and filling a cage with the items.He then has to wheel the cage back to our unit and distribute the items in the correct positions.He may also have to insert new price slips under the products on the shelves.Whilst all this is going on he may have to jump onto a till to assist me with thirsty news hungry punters.
The Daily Mail readers are interesting because they are all the same age and have the same colour hair and even dress the same.
The English trolley dolly with French Glamour appeared out of nowhere,it was like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
She had purple nail varnish and was looking as dirty as she had all those weeks ago.
"Long time no see,where have you been?" i started.
"They sent me to Ashford but i'm back now,have you missed me?" she replied with a toothy grin and a husky voice.
"Are you back here for good?" i enquired.
"Yes, and i'm working a 12 hour shift today" she continued
"Where do you live?" i asked.
"Wood Green and you?" she answered
"I live close to here...." i said.
Off she went with her cigarettes and Lipton Iced Tea.
Rasta boy arrived at 12 and i haven't worked with him for ages.He is becoming increasingly lazy and slapdash in his work.He needs to find direction because he's going nowhere fast.We had a laugh and he said,"The only 2 people i like working with are you and the Romeo,you guys crack me up innit".
He is 26 and living at home and has no hope of getting his won place and this is beginning to affect his state of mind.
Some impressive flirting took place in the lunchtime session including a large blonde female from Leeds in her early 20's.I've noticed with all these large women that they have pleasant boat races and if they lost a few stone in weight they would have men falling over themselves.
I tidied up the whole back area behind the tills even though i know within 2 days it will be untidy again.The Algerian started calling me "The Englishman" again and kept on telling me i looked tired.
Its a fair point,i'm not used to these early shifts.The fat Indian bird is leaving at the end of the month to go back to India.She's completed her MBA and her Dad has arranged an interview with a global shipping company.Good luck to her i thought and walked off via the shop that the flat chested blonde works in.
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
"Hi ya" and manners.
Wednesday 4th August 2010.6am - 2pm
Back on the early shift after a splendid game of cricket in deepest Essex yesterday washed down in the local pub with a steak and a victory in the pub quiz.
Before i had time to settle down Gay Boy was sharing his weekend's drug taking experiences at an illegal rave in Boston Manor.
It brought back memories of when it all started in 1989.He took acid for the first time at the rave and came to work still tripping.I related to that.
I had an hour with the French queen and was feeling the effects of 4 hours sleep.I decided to play a game today.A game to see how well mannered people are on a Monday morning at 6am.
The proliferation of personal stereos and IPods has destroyed conversation in public places.
There was an elderly woman who purchased the Guardian.I did my usual "hello,how are you today?" and at first there was no response.I tried again and still no response,maybe she was mutton Geoff.On the third go she grunted "hello" and slapped the money on the counter and walked off looking very angry.
I have established that i must be less confrontational early in the morning because most punters are still recovering from the weekend's frivolities.However,there are punters who are bang on the money from 6am.They are smartly dressed and completely focused on the day ahead and are alert enough to talk.
I was summoned to go to the small unit,which everyone detests.The Algerian had very slyly moved his albino mate downstairs and shoved me into the isolated unit.He probably got the Albino his job but its still unfair.
I was bored out of my mind,and that combined with tiredness was a real struggle.The portly Sri Lankan night supervisor talked cricket with me in between the gaps in business.
I have noticed that nearly all English women of a certain class always say "Hi ya".
My mother in law also says it and it has to be the most annoying expression i've come across.
The offenders are normally women aged between 18 and 35 and probably come from the North of England.They aren't lookers and would be classified as lower-middle class.
As i was leaving i met Bollywood coming out of the female toilets wearing a very fetching standard issue pink T shirt.She was concerned that it didn't suit her but i re-assured her that it showed off her great figure.She smiled and went red.
The cockney scrubber had stupidly volunteered to complete the book change over before she left and the King had given her 2 more skips to deal with.
When i left the unit she was cursing under her breath and her hair had fallen all over her face.
Back on the early shift after a splendid game of cricket in deepest Essex yesterday washed down in the local pub with a steak and a victory in the pub quiz.
Before i had time to settle down Gay Boy was sharing his weekend's drug taking experiences at an illegal rave in Boston Manor.
It brought back memories of when it all started in 1989.He took acid for the first time at the rave and came to work still tripping.I related to that.
I had an hour with the French queen and was feeling the effects of 4 hours sleep.I decided to play a game today.A game to see how well mannered people are on a Monday morning at 6am.
The proliferation of personal stereos and IPods has destroyed conversation in public places.
There was an elderly woman who purchased the Guardian.I did my usual "hello,how are you today?" and at first there was no response.I tried again and still no response,maybe she was mutton Geoff.On the third go she grunted "hello" and slapped the money on the counter and walked off looking very angry.
I have established that i must be less confrontational early in the morning because most punters are still recovering from the weekend's frivolities.However,there are punters who are bang on the money from 6am.They are smartly dressed and completely focused on the day ahead and are alert enough to talk.
I was summoned to go to the small unit,which everyone detests.The Algerian had very slyly moved his albino mate downstairs and shoved me into the isolated unit.He probably got the Albino his job but its still unfair.
I was bored out of my mind,and that combined with tiredness was a real struggle.The portly Sri Lankan night supervisor talked cricket with me in between the gaps in business.
I have noticed that nearly all English women of a certain class always say "Hi ya".
My mother in law also says it and it has to be the most annoying expression i've come across.
The offenders are normally women aged between 18 and 35 and probably come from the North of England.They aren't lookers and would be classified as lower-middle class.
As i was leaving i met Bollywood coming out of the female toilets wearing a very fetching standard issue pink T shirt.She was concerned that it didn't suit her but i re-assured her that it showed off her great figure.She smiled and went red.
The cockney scrubber had stupidly volunteered to complete the book change over before she left and the King had given her 2 more skips to deal with.
When i left the unit she was cursing under her breath and her hair had fallen all over her face.
Monday, 2 August 2010
Return of the King
Monday August 2nd 2010.6am - 2pm
Cheated on my way in to work by catching a bus half way.I was just too tired after yesterday's cricket and a late meal with my son at The Bengal Lancer.
It's starting to get darker in the mornings which means that summer is already drawing to a close.
Some of the Pakistani mafia were on the early shift today along with the Algerian albino,French Queen,dense Somalian and The Algerian.
I somehow ended up dealing with the newspapers which involves counting them and placing them on the relevant racks.Once they are counted the number of copies are recorded and this information is given to The Algerian and this sheet is known as a "Blind Copy".
The big unit opens at 7am at which time i was joined by the Cockney Scrubber.We actually work very well together and when she starts getting bolshy i slap her down by calling her "Boss".She hates this because she knows i'm taking the piss out of her controlling behaviour.
Once again it was relentless and at times bordering on insanity.2 employees have to keep a huge retail unit running smoothly and replenishing stock as well as maintaining customer service.The King's assistant is on leave for 3 weeks and the gossip is that the operations manager is on sick leave caused by stress in the workplace.
So,the King returned after 2 weeks leave and his complete lack of respect for his staff hasn't diminished.I must have walked past him at least 4 times and he didn't even acknowledge me,not so much as a nod of the head.
At one point I was with the French queen in the stock room and he didn't even communicate with him and he's been at the PLC 2 years.I have never come across someone in a position of authority show such lack of respect for his workers as this bloke.No wonder motivation in this place is on the floor.
Bollywood phoned in sick which means that they are 1 down in the big unit when i leave at 2pm.I was hoping to see the the flat chested blonde today but there was no sign of her.
The Cockney Scrubber and I ploughed on regardless and did a very good job dealing with the vast numbers of punters and keeping our head above water.
My French is improving and there were the usual bevvy of attractive French females and the usual mixture of moody English women who refused to enter into conversations.
Another crazy part of this job is that some customers blame us for being late for their trains.They turn aggressive in the queue and start looking at their watches.When they arrive at the till they avoid eye contact and punch their pin numbers furiously into the machine.Sometimes they might say,"I haven't got time for this,i have a train to catch".
The early shifts fly by and before i knew it, 2pm was here and out I went into the daylight.
Cheated on my way in to work by catching a bus half way.I was just too tired after yesterday's cricket and a late meal with my son at The Bengal Lancer.
It's starting to get darker in the mornings which means that summer is already drawing to a close.
Some of the Pakistani mafia were on the early shift today along with the Algerian albino,French Queen,dense Somalian and The Algerian.
I somehow ended up dealing with the newspapers which involves counting them and placing them on the relevant racks.Once they are counted the number of copies are recorded and this information is given to The Algerian and this sheet is known as a "Blind Copy".
The big unit opens at 7am at which time i was joined by the Cockney Scrubber.We actually work very well together and when she starts getting bolshy i slap her down by calling her "Boss".She hates this because she knows i'm taking the piss out of her controlling behaviour.
Once again it was relentless and at times bordering on insanity.2 employees have to keep a huge retail unit running smoothly and replenishing stock as well as maintaining customer service.The King's assistant is on leave for 3 weeks and the gossip is that the operations manager is on sick leave caused by stress in the workplace.
So,the King returned after 2 weeks leave and his complete lack of respect for his staff hasn't diminished.I must have walked past him at least 4 times and he didn't even acknowledge me,not so much as a nod of the head.
At one point I was with the French queen in the stock room and he didn't even communicate with him and he's been at the PLC 2 years.I have never come across someone in a position of authority show such lack of respect for his workers as this bloke.No wonder motivation in this place is on the floor.
Bollywood phoned in sick which means that they are 1 down in the big unit when i leave at 2pm.I was hoping to see the the flat chested blonde today but there was no sign of her.
The Cockney Scrubber and I ploughed on regardless and did a very good job dealing with the vast numbers of punters and keeping our head above water.
My French is improving and there were the usual bevvy of attractive French females and the usual mixture of moody English women who refused to enter into conversations.
Another crazy part of this job is that some customers blame us for being late for their trains.They turn aggressive in the queue and start looking at their watches.When they arrive at the till they avoid eye contact and punch their pin numbers furiously into the machine.Sometimes they might say,"I haven't got time for this,i have a train to catch".
The early shifts fly by and before i knew it, 2pm was here and out I went into the daylight.
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Romeo and Juliet
Saturday 31st July 2010.4pm-10pm
After guzzling a can of Red Bull i strolled into the big unit for another shift at the PLC.The Pakistani mafia were present but subdued.The reason being because the Polish Muslim and the anorexic graduate are on annual leave so they don't have any gangster's molls to show off to.
The Romeo arrived at 5pm and i said to him "Ok,lets see how far we can go with the female punters".
He laughed heartily and we set to work.Without having a laugh it would be mind numbingly boring.The staffing levels didn't seem too bad today and the troubleshooter told me that its the first time he's seen cost cutting on this scale since he joined 2 years ago.
The Romeo is ugly but that is what makes the women fall at his feet.His chutzpah takes them by surprise and they start blushing.
3 blondes approached his till,a MILF with 2 daughters.The mum was very attractive about 40-45 and well toned with a wedding ring.
"Where do you come from ladies" he asked in his heavy French accent.
"Great Yarmouth" the mum replied.
"What country is that?" he ventured.
"England"
"Has anyone ever told you your smile is beautiful?" he asked
"Thank you" the mum blushed
"You have already broken my heart madam" he continued
"You're making me blush" she added
"When i make love my heart beats with excitement" he dared
This is an example of the Romeo in action.When they buy TPS he lets out a squeal of excitement and thanks them whole heartedly because he knows his league performance will improve.
Of course,this spurs me on and i found myself asking a slim Pole with Sarah Palin glasses,"Do you have any plans tonight?"
"I'm going to a BBQ tonight" she replied as she walked off with a wiggle of her bottom.
Basically,women respond to flattery in a big way.Its a shame i didn't know this before i was married.All ages,shapes and sizes like to feel wanted.I even managed to sell a box of tea cakes to a teenage madamoiselle just because i asked her name in French.
The time flew by and the Pakistani mafia were talking cricket to me all evening.They all play friendlies and i reckon some of them are quite useful.
The Krispy Kreme doughnuts always sell well at the weekend with punters letting their hair down.A well built and well heeled Eatern Bloc lady purchased 2 boxes of them but we don't have the standard issue carrier bags to put them in.She had luggage as well as a giant hand bag so was fuming.However,i spoke some pigeon Polish and she went on her way.
Towards the end of the evening you get drunk punters and drugged up punters and it can be very amusing.I spent the last 2 hours replenishing the fridges ready for tomorrow's staff.
After guzzling a can of Red Bull i strolled into the big unit for another shift at the PLC.The Pakistani mafia were present but subdued.The reason being because the Polish Muslim and the anorexic graduate are on annual leave so they don't have any gangster's molls to show off to.
The Romeo arrived at 5pm and i said to him "Ok,lets see how far we can go with the female punters".
He laughed heartily and we set to work.Without having a laugh it would be mind numbingly boring.The staffing levels didn't seem too bad today and the troubleshooter told me that its the first time he's seen cost cutting on this scale since he joined 2 years ago.
The Romeo is ugly but that is what makes the women fall at his feet.His chutzpah takes them by surprise and they start blushing.
3 blondes approached his till,a MILF with 2 daughters.The mum was very attractive about 40-45 and well toned with a wedding ring.
"Where do you come from ladies" he asked in his heavy French accent.
"Great Yarmouth" the mum replied.
"What country is that?" he ventured.
"England"
"Has anyone ever told you your smile is beautiful?" he asked
"Thank you" the mum blushed
"You have already broken my heart madam" he continued
"You're making me blush" she added
"When i make love my heart beats with excitement" he dared
This is an example of the Romeo in action.When they buy TPS he lets out a squeal of excitement and thanks them whole heartedly because he knows his league performance will improve.
Of course,this spurs me on and i found myself asking a slim Pole with Sarah Palin glasses,"Do you have any plans tonight?"
"I'm going to a BBQ tonight" she replied as she walked off with a wiggle of her bottom.
Basically,women respond to flattery in a big way.Its a shame i didn't know this before i was married.All ages,shapes and sizes like to feel wanted.I even managed to sell a box of tea cakes to a teenage madamoiselle just because i asked her name in French.
The time flew by and the Pakistani mafia were talking cricket to me all evening.They all play friendlies and i reckon some of them are quite useful.
The Krispy Kreme doughnuts always sell well at the weekend with punters letting their hair down.A well built and well heeled Eatern Bloc lady purchased 2 boxes of them but we don't have the standard issue carrier bags to put them in.She had luggage as well as a giant hand bag so was fuming.However,i spoke some pigeon Polish and she went on her way.
Towards the end of the evening you get drunk punters and drugged up punters and it can be very amusing.I spent the last 2 hours replenishing the fridges ready for tomorrow's staff.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)