Tuesday 29th June 2010.8am - 4pm
8.20pm the phone rang in the small unit."How many staff are there at the moment mate?" the Algerian had spoken.
"Too many" i replied manipulatively.
Ok go to the other unit please,the first part of the plan had worked.Get myself into the big unit so i can work with the Asian babe later.
I joined the Legend at the till and today's theory was,"If i win the lottery i will buy my own club and sack all the players" he said.
"Who would you play instead?" i enquired.
"Fill the team with hungry youngsters,they'll do the business" he replied with certainty.
He makes ridiculous jokes with the punters to try and get them to buy the TPS.
"Its pay day tomorrow i will buy up all the chocolate so save some for me" he attempted.
I have noticed how he gives a sly look to female bottoms when they turn and walk away from the till.The cockney scrubber,since the incident,is very friendly but still piss ignorant.
The King's assistant gave me the information i have been waiting a week for and i sorted out next weeks hours because i've got lots of other stuff going on.
A flashily dressed black man strolled up to the till wearing a £25,000 Breitling and one of those high fashion T shirts.
"20 Marlboro Lights please" he requested.
I knew he looked like William but couldn't be sure.His face is more pockmarked than Manuel Noriega and Nico Claesen.He pulled out a large footballers wad and paid with a crisp tenner.
The next punter remarked that the previous bloke looked like a French footballer and found £30 on the counter.
The punter gave me the money and i left it on the till.My mind started playing tricks with me like it used to back in the day when my behaviour was defective.
That money would come in useful,i thought.
When the legend finished i pocketed the cash and totally forgot about the CCTV!!
2pm Asian babe appeared and looked a little bit under the weather,"How are you today" i enquired.
She was wearing a black dress with a tight large buckled balck belt and i reckon is totally unaware of how attractive she is.
"I've got a belly ache" she said.
"is it something you have eaten"
"No" she replied
"Women's stuff" i ventured
"Yes" she continued.
"Time of the month is it,you know Holland and Barrett do starflower and agnes castus which is very good" i said.
We then had an exchange about PMT and how it affects her.How we started having a chat about her PMT after knowing each other for about 4 hours was weird.
I made a decision that i would hand over £20 and keep £10,therfore putting the whole job at risk over a tenner.
The management all disappeared for a meeting and when Sandy Gall bags appeared i gave her the £20 and told her the story behind it.However,she noticed i had another note in my pocket.
10 mins later the slim Indian cricketer called me into the staff room for a chat.
"What else have you got in your pocket" he squirmed.
I felt my mouth going dry and my eyes darting from side to side.
"I have £10 of my own money" i stammered
"Do you know that you aren't allowed to carry any money on your person" he continued.
"I had no idea that was company policy" i lied.
He wrote out a file note in poorly spelt English which i signed.
That was too close for comfort.The wind had been knocked out of my sails and I continued the rest of my shift very sheepishly.
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Monday, 28 June 2010
World Cup Hangover and Ginsters
Monday 29th June 2010.8am -4pm
7.30am arrived and the station felt flat,the country is depressed.Its a shame because a good run in the World Cup would have given us a bit of national identity back.
Summoned to the usual berth,French queen in Belgium for 2 weeks and long serving Somalian is de-mob happy.There's a new deal today and its quite complex in terms of the till operations and everyone is panicking.
"Do me a favour they are very busy in the large unit please go there for the rest of the day" The Algerian grunted.
Now that's a result,re-united with the Cockney Scrubber and an opportunity to work with a company legend,the hooded Gooner.Hooded because he's so knackered he slouches at the till with his eyes half closed.But he's a gooner so i wasted no time in telling him we bat for the same time.This guy even knows more than i do about the Arsenal.He knew that the Nigerian isn't buying Lady Nina Bracewell Smith's stake and apparently Eduardo is off to Lyon.However,he is a big cynic of life.
"Private doctors are butchers" he wailed.
"My nephew nearly died and we're suing them" he continued.
"The World Cup has been good for Arsenal because all the players will be back for pre-season on time apart from RVP."
The King was very agitated today because the new deal wasn't working properly and he was probably getting pressure from head office.The King's assistant was under severe pressure as well and of course that filtered down to all of us.
The Ginger Ginster arrived,he is the man from Ginster's who produce all the pies.We do a reasonable trade in packaged pies.
I then made a mistake which could have resulted in the boot.
This guy from Ginsters was an absolute classic nerd,a cross between Jasper Carrott and spoke like a paedophile.
" I need someone to sign for the Ginsters" he demanded.
"Ok i'll do it" i replied enthusiastically.
We walked over to the fridge and he had a large box of Ginster's and one of those gadgets that couriers make you sign.
"Ok i'll count you check the list" he said.
"4 chicken and mushy pies,3 steak lattice,6 Cornish,5 steak and onion...." he loved it.This bloke is made for counting pies.I signed the remote gadget and thought nothing of it.We were short staffed and the slim Indian cricketer was showing signs of a sub conscious melt down.
"Who signed for the Ginsters" The King demanded.
I ran over to the fridge and saw all the Ginster's in a box on the floor in 30 degree heat.I shoved them in the relevant sections and off i went.Still no break and 5.5 hours into the shift.
" Why did you sign for the Ginster's" the king said aggressively.
"Tell me the exact process with the ginger Ginster".
"He counted the pies and I signed for them but realised that they weren't put back into the fridge just now" I replied confidently.
"Right you aren't qualified to deal with the Ginsters,you've had no pie training" he said straight faced.
"No-one tells me anything,however i'm sorry i won't touch the Ginster's again" i ventured.
"He's had us over" the King told me.
20 minute break because i'm a team player and i like the slim Indian cricketer and he scored a century yesterday.
At 2pm my day got a whole lot better.The Asian babe who i had clocked last week joined me for the final 2 hour slot.I'd been very curious about her and couldn't believe my luck.
I introduced myself and started the standard banter of all members of staff.
"What are your hours,how long have you been here etc etc".
She is about 20 years old 5'4 immaculately dressed with long black hair and an ample young firm bosom and has brains.
She was complaining about her feet hurting so i suggested a pair of gel heel inners and inner soles.She liked that.The area behind the till is very narrow so we bumped into each other a few times.I told her my career plans and she told me hers (medicine) and foolishly told her i had 2 kids!!
The fat Indian arrived and winked at me in the normal way.The new deal was becoming a fiasco.Asian babe had a problem executing the instructions and it took the King and 4 cohorts 20 minutes to give a punter a refund and people wonder why the level of service has declined dramatically over the last 15 years.
I looked at the till it was 4pm,the afternoon had flown by.
"Have a nice evening" she said.
"Its been a pleasure working with you and hopefully we're working together tomorrow" i replied.
7.30am arrived and the station felt flat,the country is depressed.Its a shame because a good run in the World Cup would have given us a bit of national identity back.
Summoned to the usual berth,French queen in Belgium for 2 weeks and long serving Somalian is de-mob happy.There's a new deal today and its quite complex in terms of the till operations and everyone is panicking.
"Do me a favour they are very busy in the large unit please go there for the rest of the day" The Algerian grunted.
Now that's a result,re-united with the Cockney Scrubber and an opportunity to work with a company legend,the hooded Gooner.Hooded because he's so knackered he slouches at the till with his eyes half closed.But he's a gooner so i wasted no time in telling him we bat for the same time.This guy even knows more than i do about the Arsenal.He knew that the Nigerian isn't buying Lady Nina Bracewell Smith's stake and apparently Eduardo is off to Lyon.However,he is a big cynic of life.
"Private doctors are butchers" he wailed.
"My nephew nearly died and we're suing them" he continued.
"The World Cup has been good for Arsenal because all the players will be back for pre-season on time apart from RVP."
The King was very agitated today because the new deal wasn't working properly and he was probably getting pressure from head office.The King's assistant was under severe pressure as well and of course that filtered down to all of us.
The Ginger Ginster arrived,he is the man from Ginster's who produce all the pies.We do a reasonable trade in packaged pies.
I then made a mistake which could have resulted in the boot.
This guy from Ginsters was an absolute classic nerd,a cross between Jasper Carrott and spoke like a paedophile.
" I need someone to sign for the Ginsters" he demanded.
"Ok i'll do it" i replied enthusiastically.
We walked over to the fridge and he had a large box of Ginster's and one of those gadgets that couriers make you sign.
"Ok i'll count you check the list" he said.
"4 chicken and mushy pies,3 steak lattice,6 Cornish,5 steak and onion...." he loved it.This bloke is made for counting pies.I signed the remote gadget and thought nothing of it.We were short staffed and the slim Indian cricketer was showing signs of a sub conscious melt down.
"Who signed for the Ginsters" The King demanded.
I ran over to the fridge and saw all the Ginster's in a box on the floor in 30 degree heat.I shoved them in the relevant sections and off i went.Still no break and 5.5 hours into the shift.
" Why did you sign for the Ginster's" the king said aggressively.
"Tell me the exact process with the ginger Ginster".
"He counted the pies and I signed for them but realised that they weren't put back into the fridge just now" I replied confidently.
"Right you aren't qualified to deal with the Ginsters,you've had no pie training" he said straight faced.
"No-one tells me anything,however i'm sorry i won't touch the Ginster's again" i ventured.
"He's had us over" the King told me.
20 minute break because i'm a team player and i like the slim Indian cricketer and he scored a century yesterday.
At 2pm my day got a whole lot better.The Asian babe who i had clocked last week joined me for the final 2 hour slot.I'd been very curious about her and couldn't believe my luck.
I introduced myself and started the standard banter of all members of staff.
"What are your hours,how long have you been here etc etc".
She is about 20 years old 5'4 immaculately dressed with long black hair and an ample young firm bosom and has brains.
She was complaining about her feet hurting so i suggested a pair of gel heel inners and inner soles.She liked that.The area behind the till is very narrow so we bumped into each other a few times.I told her my career plans and she told me hers (medicine) and foolishly told her i had 2 kids!!
The fat Indian arrived and winked at me in the normal way.The new deal was becoming a fiasco.Asian babe had a problem executing the instructions and it took the King and 4 cohorts 20 minutes to give a punter a refund and people wonder why the level of service has declined dramatically over the last 15 years.
I looked at the till it was 4pm,the afternoon had flown by.
"Have a nice evening" she said.
"Its been a pleasure working with you and hopefully we're working together tomorrow" i replied.
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Friday mayhem
Friday 25th June 2010 8am - 4pm
As i have Thursday's off i feel reasonably refreshed and you need to be in order to deal with Friday's in the height of summer with all the kids breaking up from school.
There are different morning staff on Sundays no French queen and no long serving Somalian.I was with the bloke who was bollocked by The Algerian in front of all the staff for not wearing the correct attire.
The Algerian is very resentful of The Sun newspaper for apparently claiming that England would win all 3 group games easily and confronted me on that point.
He is a very aggressive character with no people skills and absolutely no idea how to communicate with people apart from using the words "innit" and "mate".
"Don't worry i'll be supporting England on Sunday mate i live here innit" he shouted.
"I should hope you are mate this country has given you everything you have" I replied.
That kept him quiet for 5 minutes.
I'm beginning to know most of the staff now but also realise that there is a continuous turnover of staff as well.
The afternoon was spent with a very pleasant Indian woman who has a weird technique on the TPS,"Anything for a quid" she mumbles in a thick Indian accent.She was very proud when a customer showed her a rupee she had.She has stuck it out for 18 months but only works 3 days a week.
My good friend arrived as usual at 2pm and she thinks she has roped me into fridge temperature duties,"If you think i'm doing this every day then think again" i told her.She smiled sheepishly,I've noticed that when you've been there a month it gives you a power to start telling people what to do.
I have tried for 4 days to get some very important information for tax credits from the King's assistant and she keeps on fobbing me off.Today,i confronted her and said "I need this information asap lets just get it out of the way" she covered her breasts with her arms as usual and finally assisted me.
Sandy Gall bags was in and wasn't her normal chirpy self,"Why is there no stock,The Algerian should have dealt with it?"
"Its ok i've done a drinks and tobacco order" I replied proudly.
"What about the magazines?" she countered.
"Don't know how to do that" i replied pathetically.
She made me sign a disclaimer that confirms she has informed me about a new deal taking place on Monday.It sounds complicated.
Saturday 26th June 2010.2pm-10pm
The Graveyard shift.Fresh from coaching 7 year old kids who can't pass a ball with the instep i arrived with my egg sandwiches and over ripe nectarine.The slim Indian was there together with the Polish Muslim and Somalian security (my new best friend).
Finally,i had an opportunity to work with gay boy.We had a ball he has this fantastic techinique on TPS where he positions the products at the front of the counter so its righ in front of their noses.One of the Asian lads was chuffed because he's been promoted to evening supervisor just for tonight.Same money of course but gets to tell us our break times and wears a grey shirt,happy days!!
The punters were arriving at the till with red faces,burnt shoulders and sweating golf balls,that's the English of course.
An event happened that i'd never seen before even working in a drug rehabilitation centre.A fraulein entered the unit frantically and requested a Die Welt newspaper.When i told her we had one the blood drained from her pizza face.
She strode upto the counter getting more and more emotional."Are you looking for a specific article" i enquired
"Yes i am" as she was tearing the paper apart.
As she found the article she broke down hysterically at the till.
"Is he very important in your life?" i ventured.
"Yes" she replied.
"Did you want to marry him" i dug even more.
"Yes but he's married already" she accepted.
She had been to every station in Central London and we had it and i felt honoured to have witnessed her emotions.
The women were very revealing in the heat.
At 8pm i was left on my own and the slim Indian came in for a chat with her pointy chin and small pert boobs.She's just completed a degree in business studies and lives at home with her parents.Sweet girl who gets her Dad to collect after her weekend shifts.
The serious Indian supervisor tried to tell me his theory about English football and i told him that if he feels so strongly about it he should go and watch grassroots football and see how bad most coaching is in this country.Then he'll understand why we'll never win a major tournament.
He lost the plot at 9.53pm because gay boy and Russell hadn't picked up 2 bags of rubbish 7 minutes before the end of their shift.
As i have Thursday's off i feel reasonably refreshed and you need to be in order to deal with Friday's in the height of summer with all the kids breaking up from school.
There are different morning staff on Sundays no French queen and no long serving Somalian.I was with the bloke who was bollocked by The Algerian in front of all the staff for not wearing the correct attire.
The Algerian is very resentful of The Sun newspaper for apparently claiming that England would win all 3 group games easily and confronted me on that point.
He is a very aggressive character with no people skills and absolutely no idea how to communicate with people apart from using the words "innit" and "mate".
"Don't worry i'll be supporting England on Sunday mate i live here innit" he shouted.
"I should hope you are mate this country has given you everything you have" I replied.
That kept him quiet for 5 minutes.
I'm beginning to know most of the staff now but also realise that there is a continuous turnover of staff as well.
The afternoon was spent with a very pleasant Indian woman who has a weird technique on the TPS,"Anything for a quid" she mumbles in a thick Indian accent.She was very proud when a customer showed her a rupee she had.She has stuck it out for 18 months but only works 3 days a week.
My good friend arrived as usual at 2pm and she thinks she has roped me into fridge temperature duties,"If you think i'm doing this every day then think again" i told her.She smiled sheepishly,I've noticed that when you've been there a month it gives you a power to start telling people what to do.
I have tried for 4 days to get some very important information for tax credits from the King's assistant and she keeps on fobbing me off.Today,i confronted her and said "I need this information asap lets just get it out of the way" she covered her breasts with her arms as usual and finally assisted me.
Sandy Gall bags was in and wasn't her normal chirpy self,"Why is there no stock,The Algerian should have dealt with it?"
"Its ok i've done a drinks and tobacco order" I replied proudly.
"What about the magazines?" she countered.
"Don't know how to do that" i replied pathetically.
She made me sign a disclaimer that confirms she has informed me about a new deal taking place on Monday.It sounds complicated.
Saturday 26th June 2010.2pm-10pm
The Graveyard shift.Fresh from coaching 7 year old kids who can't pass a ball with the instep i arrived with my egg sandwiches and over ripe nectarine.The slim Indian was there together with the Polish Muslim and Somalian security (my new best friend).
Finally,i had an opportunity to work with gay boy.We had a ball he has this fantastic techinique on TPS where he positions the products at the front of the counter so its righ in front of their noses.One of the Asian lads was chuffed because he's been promoted to evening supervisor just for tonight.Same money of course but gets to tell us our break times and wears a grey shirt,happy days!!
The punters were arriving at the till with red faces,burnt shoulders and sweating golf balls,that's the English of course.
An event happened that i'd never seen before even working in a drug rehabilitation centre.A fraulein entered the unit frantically and requested a Die Welt newspaper.When i told her we had one the blood drained from her pizza face.
She strode upto the counter getting more and more emotional."Are you looking for a specific article" i enquired
"Yes i am" as she was tearing the paper apart.
As she found the article she broke down hysterically at the till.
"Is he very important in your life?" i ventured.
"Yes" she replied.
"Did you want to marry him" i dug even more.
"Yes but he's married already" she accepted.
She had been to every station in Central London and we had it and i felt honoured to have witnessed her emotions.
The women were very revealing in the heat.
At 8pm i was left on my own and the slim Indian came in for a chat with her pointy chin and small pert boobs.She's just completed a degree in business studies and lives at home with her parents.Sweet girl who gets her Dad to collect after her weekend shifts.
The serious Indian supervisor tried to tell me his theory about English football and i told him that if he feels so strongly about it he should go and watch grassroots football and see how bad most coaching is in this country.Then he'll understand why we'll never win a major tournament.
He lost the plot at 9.53pm because gay boy and Russell hadn't picked up 2 bags of rubbish 7 minutes before the end of their shift.
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Bye Bye long serving Somalian
Wednesday 23rd June 2010.8am - 4pm
When my wife asked me last night how was work toady?
I foolishly told her that it was very difficult to concentrate because of the breasts that were on show at work."Don't forget you are married" she replied sheepishly.
Another day at the PLC and as usual the double act were present to greet me.The Algerian usually surfaces early on to make sure that i'm there on time and preparing a tobacco order.
The big news of the day was the long serving Somalian has handed in his notice and has got a job with a prestige car insurance company in West Hampstead.He finally started to come out of his shell by looking at scantilly clad women.
Wednesday is book day so the pressure The Algerian exerts is intense.The french queen was under the cosh to get the books out and with the instant promotions on board.
I was accused by a customer of giving her incorrect change.She happened to be a manager of another retailer within the station and also exceptionally ugly.
"I want you to cash up now because i'm right and you're wrong" she demanded.
"I can't do that right now" i replied with a huge queue of hungry lunchtime customers.
"I will come back at 3.30pm to sort this out" she continued.
Off i went to the cash office and told them the problem.They have a camera directly on my till,which i didn't know until today.It was proved i was correct and the hard nosed Pole didn't apologise when she popped in later.
I tickled the fancy of a tall well built lady of abot 40 and she wouldn't leave me alone at the till.Its strictly out of bounds,in the heat some of these mature women get a bit frisky.
I tried to hammer the TPS today but in this heat no-one in their right mind buys chocolate but the fruitellas did ok.
Fat Indian bird was sweating even more,as the temperature rises outdoors she sweats more profusely.Today i noticed that she takes her shoes off behind the counter and she seems to think that i'm the new fridge monitor.I confronted her on this and she knew that i'd rumbled her.
3pm kick off and i'm serving customers in one of the busiest stations in London and desperate to find out the score and where i'll watch the second half.Luckily a woman gets a text as Defoe scored.I ran to the nearest Ladbrokes withe the cricketing Pakistani and watched the end of the game.
When my wife asked me last night how was work toady?
I foolishly told her that it was very difficult to concentrate because of the breasts that were on show at work."Don't forget you are married" she replied sheepishly.
Another day at the PLC and as usual the double act were present to greet me.The Algerian usually surfaces early on to make sure that i'm there on time and preparing a tobacco order.
The big news of the day was the long serving Somalian has handed in his notice and has got a job with a prestige car insurance company in West Hampstead.He finally started to come out of his shell by looking at scantilly clad women.
Wednesday is book day so the pressure The Algerian exerts is intense.The french queen was under the cosh to get the books out and with the instant promotions on board.
I was accused by a customer of giving her incorrect change.She happened to be a manager of another retailer within the station and also exceptionally ugly.
"I want you to cash up now because i'm right and you're wrong" she demanded.
"I can't do that right now" i replied with a huge queue of hungry lunchtime customers.
"I will come back at 3.30pm to sort this out" she continued.
Off i went to the cash office and told them the problem.They have a camera directly on my till,which i didn't know until today.It was proved i was correct and the hard nosed Pole didn't apologise when she popped in later.
I tickled the fancy of a tall well built lady of abot 40 and she wouldn't leave me alone at the till.Its strictly out of bounds,in the heat some of these mature women get a bit frisky.
I tried to hammer the TPS today but in this heat no-one in their right mind buys chocolate but the fruitellas did ok.
Fat Indian bird was sweating even more,as the temperature rises outdoors she sweats more profusely.Today i noticed that she takes her shoes off behind the counter and she seems to think that i'm the new fridge monitor.I confronted her on this and she knew that i'd rumbled her.
3pm kick off and i'm serving customers in one of the busiest stations in London and desperate to find out the score and where i'll watch the second half.Luckily a woman gets a text as Defoe scored.I ran to the nearest Ladbrokes withe the cricketing Pakistani and watched the end of the game.
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
The Visit Part 2
Tuesday 22nd June 2010.8am - 4pm
Collared by the Algerian as soon as I arrived,"your TPS was very poor yesterday mate".
Fair game i thought,i was son knackered yesterday i couldn't be bothered to put on the robot act and as a result i came 3rd from bottom on the results table.So,i made a decision to crack on and prove that i am a good seller of sweets and chocolate.
The long serving Somalian is the most depressing person i have ever worked with.He spends the entire shift criticising the company and the lack of stock.I asked him if he'd had TPS warnings,because he never opens his mouth,he replied in the affirmative.
He's unshaven and always tired and what happened when i arrived?
Yep over for a mince with the French queen who might not be a queen.I have caught him staring at women's bottoms and winking at me.I'm still unsure about what side he bats for.
In this weather it is very difficult to concentrate fully on the job because of the amount of Bristol's on show.All shapes and sizes and when i am taking there money all i do is stare at their chests,this could be a problem because its so obvious.
I've even found myself chatting up 50 year old married women with large Bristol's.
Surprise surprise,"There is the area manager coming today don't leave any gaps on the cigarette display."
These visits create unbelievable tension because the fear feeds down through the hierarchy and we bear the brunt of it.The Algerian is a nutter,there are times when he has so many things going through his brain he goes into overload mode and closes his eyes and tightens his mouth.
There was some anti American and Israeli comments made by the other members of the Algerian contingent who all seem to be called Ali.I nearly rose to the bait but held it down at the last second.They have inferiority complexes,one of the Algerian Ali's has an unfortunate twitch involving his eyes and mouth.
By the afternoon i was flying with the TPS and had done a good trade in Fruitellas bit too hot for chocolate but of course the management don't care about that.
Just after lunch the overweight manager in the ill fitting suit turned up with the KIng and another bloke,who i later found out was the main man in London.The overweight penguin winked at me i turned on the charm at the till and raised my voice a couple of octaves to get the point across.
Sold another couple of dirty mags today i try and have a quick glimpse of the cover whilst pretending i can't find the bar code to scan.We also do a reasonable trade in gay magazines,the latest one has 2 blokes on the front with the title "Farm Boys",the mind boggles!!
Fat Indian bird turned up and was sweating like a rapist,her brown was dripping and her moustache was glistening under the lights.The hot weather isn't good for a woman in her physical condition,but i do like her.She showed me how to take the temperature in the fridge which was easy.
I waved goodbye to her at 4pm as the two next employees made their way into the madness.
Collared by the Algerian as soon as I arrived,"your TPS was very poor yesterday mate".
Fair game i thought,i was son knackered yesterday i couldn't be bothered to put on the robot act and as a result i came 3rd from bottom on the results table.So,i made a decision to crack on and prove that i am a good seller of sweets and chocolate.
The long serving Somalian is the most depressing person i have ever worked with.He spends the entire shift criticising the company and the lack of stock.I asked him if he'd had TPS warnings,because he never opens his mouth,he replied in the affirmative.
He's unshaven and always tired and what happened when i arrived?
Yep over for a mince with the French queen who might not be a queen.I have caught him staring at women's bottoms and winking at me.I'm still unsure about what side he bats for.
In this weather it is very difficult to concentrate fully on the job because of the amount of Bristol's on show.All shapes and sizes and when i am taking there money all i do is stare at their chests,this could be a problem because its so obvious.
I've even found myself chatting up 50 year old married women with large Bristol's.
Surprise surprise,"There is the area manager coming today don't leave any gaps on the cigarette display."
These visits create unbelievable tension because the fear feeds down through the hierarchy and we bear the brunt of it.The Algerian is a nutter,there are times when he has so many things going through his brain he goes into overload mode and closes his eyes and tightens his mouth.
There was some anti American and Israeli comments made by the other members of the Algerian contingent who all seem to be called Ali.I nearly rose to the bait but held it down at the last second.They have inferiority complexes,one of the Algerian Ali's has an unfortunate twitch involving his eyes and mouth.
By the afternoon i was flying with the TPS and had done a good trade in Fruitellas bit too hot for chocolate but of course the management don't care about that.
Just after lunch the overweight manager in the ill fitting suit turned up with the KIng and another bloke,who i later found out was the main man in London.The overweight penguin winked at me i turned on the charm at the till and raised my voice a couple of octaves to get the point across.
Sold another couple of dirty mags today i try and have a quick glimpse of the cover whilst pretending i can't find the bar code to scan.We also do a reasonable trade in gay magazines,the latest one has 2 blokes on the front with the title "Farm Boys",the mind boggles!!
Fat Indian bird turned up and was sweating like a rapist,her brown was dripping and her moustache was glistening under the lights.The hot weather isn't good for a woman in her physical condition,but i do like her.She showed me how to take the temperature in the fridge which was easy.
I waved goodbye to her at 4pm as the two next employees made their way into the madness.
"Stock Take"
Monday 21st June 2010.8am - 4pm
Arrived slightly early and was as stiff as a poker.My cricketing exploits yesterday with the bat meant that my muscles had tightened overnight and my mobility was severely impaired.
Things back to normal today,back into the smaller unit where it all began.It was good to see the French queen and the long serving Somalian.The Algerian was walking around pulling everyone's shirts claiming that was an impression of all the England players in Friday's game.He did this all day eventually i told him its not funny but he still kept on doing it."Why are you pleased with a draw, you will never have a better opportunity of beating England" i said."Our striker hasn't scored for 6 months" he replied."Sounds like Heskey" i replied.
When i start till work the queen and the Somalian go into huddles near the fridges and complain about everyone and everything.They are obsessed by cages.These are the large metal variety on wheels that transport the stock around the station.They couldn't stop talking about cages.
I'm beginning to think that the queen could be bi-sexual.He has been watching the actions of a Polish blonde and told us that she sometimes buys condoms and could be a "Tom".For those of you who don't understand,Tom = prostitute.
The King surfaced at lunchtime with his assistant trailing after him which is the normal process.She walks with arms folded over her breasts,infact that's the only way she walks."Its a stock take today so get all stock out to the front and clear any old supplements from the cupboards."I put in a serious stint in clearing out the weekend supplements and putting them on the cage.They are very impressive specimens those cages,no-one messes with you when you're wheeling one of those around.
2pm,fat Indian bird arrived,she's completed her work for the MBA.She has the largest ear lobes on a woman i have ever seen and of course has the standard hairy lip which glistens with sweat when its busy.
I tried to get some payroll info from the King's assistant but she was too busy with the stock take.I told her its really important but she wouldn't back down.Another day completed with my sanity intact.
Arrived slightly early and was as stiff as a poker.My cricketing exploits yesterday with the bat meant that my muscles had tightened overnight and my mobility was severely impaired.
Things back to normal today,back into the smaller unit where it all began.It was good to see the French queen and the long serving Somalian.The Algerian was walking around pulling everyone's shirts claiming that was an impression of all the England players in Friday's game.He did this all day eventually i told him its not funny but he still kept on doing it."Why are you pleased with a draw, you will never have a better opportunity of beating England" i said."Our striker hasn't scored for 6 months" he replied."Sounds like Heskey" i replied.
When i start till work the queen and the Somalian go into huddles near the fridges and complain about everyone and everything.They are obsessed by cages.These are the large metal variety on wheels that transport the stock around the station.They couldn't stop talking about cages.
I'm beginning to think that the queen could be bi-sexual.He has been watching the actions of a Polish blonde and told us that she sometimes buys condoms and could be a "Tom".For those of you who don't understand,Tom = prostitute.
The King surfaced at lunchtime with his assistant trailing after him which is the normal process.She walks with arms folded over her breasts,infact that's the only way she walks."Its a stock take today so get all stock out to the front and clear any old supplements from the cupboards."I put in a serious stint in clearing out the weekend supplements and putting them on the cage.They are very impressive specimens those cages,no-one messes with you when you're wheeling one of those around.
2pm,fat Indian bird arrived,she's completed her work for the MBA.She has the largest ear lobes on a woman i have ever seen and of course has the standard hairy lip which glistens with sweat when its busy.
I tried to get some payroll info from the King's assistant but she was too busy with the stock take.I told her its really important but she wouldn't back down.Another day completed with my sanity intact.
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Friday 18th and Saturday 19th June incl "The Visit"
Thursday 17th June 2010 Day off.
Friday 18th June 2010.8am - 4pm
Within moments of arriving my new best friend, the cockney scrubber,came over to me even more fearful than usual,"someone from head office is coming to visit.......".
That means its all hands to the pump.Suddenly i noticed every senior employee was present and extra staff had been drafted in to cope with the visit of well fed area manager.I saw him on my first week,he's a rotund man with ill fitting suits and a foul temper.The pressure he must be under isn't worth comtemplating.
The Algerian was in a dark mood,his shirt was untucked and he was unshaven.He was just ferrying extra products back and forth in wheely cages and was getting more and more angry.He didn't even want to talk about the big game.Tall Indian supervisor who can't say his V's properly said,"we have a wisit make sure the cigarette counter is full with no gaps."
The King was scurrying back and forth with a trail of supervisors running behind him and fawning to all his needs.Lots of clipboards were being utilised and he was even seen pushing a trolley,that's how serious this visit was.The culture of fear had been increased several notches.Every minute a supervisor was on the scene preening the display's.I worked with a cool graphic design graduate who played the game with the females.
The punters seem to be more tired on Friday's which is understandable with it being the end of the week.The American girls are the easiest victims on the TPS because they are just so up for a laugh and a bit of surrepticious piss taking.
At the end of the day i don't think the visit even took place,i maintain it was just a bluff from head office to get the store looking good.As serious manager told me rather proudly,"we're the highest grossing store in London so they pick us out for visit's"
I tried to get some crucial info out of her for tax credits but maybe today wasn't a good idea.My neck has been really hurting me since i've started doing manual work again after a long absence so off to the osteopath after work.
Saturday 19th June 2010 2pm-10pm
After coaching a group of 6 and 7 year old boys i arrived at 2pm and immediately regretted my decision.I knew this would be a very hard shift and they have different staff at weekends but Somalian security was there and he broke the ice with me on the common ground of the World Cup.Its amazing how unifying football is in any situation.
Now,the weekend staff are a clique of non whites who seem to get a kick out of the fact that they are weekend staff.There is an Asian married woman who dresses immaculately with lots of makeup and appears very jolly and up for a laugh.Then there is a very attractive girl who could be Polish but wears the full Muslim headscarf and has a diamond ring on her wedding finger.I can only assume she married a Muslim and converted because there is no way she was born Islam.
The tall Indian was there and he asked me if i wanted to work on Sunday the response was "I need to have a day off to play cricket".I'm trying to arrange a friendly cricket match with his team who play in Ilford and i reckon are quite handy Asian's.
I haven't really gone into the eating habits of the British population especially the young women.Its normal to see young girls just eat a bag of Gok Yan crisps and have a fizzy drink,they are the ones who are worried about putting on an ounce of weight.Then we have the opposite end of the scale,the fat birds who have doughnuts,crisps and chocolate.This is very worrying in view of the increase in obesity cases in this country.I am genuinely concerned but still don't hold back of TPS when i see a single overweight woman.The dynamic on Saturday is different,the punters are more relaxed but you get a lot more Brits who complain about the extortionate prices for cigarettes.I take pleasure in reminding them its a bad habit as well as expensive.
There was a very officious weekend Asian supervisor who was on my shift.You know the type,rimless glasses about 30 years old and face never cracked an inch.Fair dues he's trying to do his job properly but once again the culture of fear remains but of course these Asian supervisors are very friendly with the Asian staff.Being a white Brit i felt out of place but gay boy from my interview was there today and that made me feel better.Also,the Bangla boy from the interview was there,he now calls himself Russell,but we had a good laugh working together until he smashed his head on one of the cash holders but he wore it well.
On a more serious note,i saw one of the female staff sobbing in the staff room.I tried to assist but she didn't want to tell me what was wrong.It transpired that her brother had died.She had to contact serious Indian before leaving work just in case she got the you know what.
The french single girls are really nice especially when i attempt my pigeon French on them but of course they appear briefly and disappear just as quickly.
I can't work this late shift on a Saturday again its too demanding so on Monday i will let them know.Hopefully,I won't get the boot but my good TPS should bail me out.
Friday 18th June 2010.8am - 4pm
Within moments of arriving my new best friend, the cockney scrubber,came over to me even more fearful than usual,"someone from head office is coming to visit.......".
That means its all hands to the pump.Suddenly i noticed every senior employee was present and extra staff had been drafted in to cope with the visit of well fed area manager.I saw him on my first week,he's a rotund man with ill fitting suits and a foul temper.The pressure he must be under isn't worth comtemplating.
The Algerian was in a dark mood,his shirt was untucked and he was unshaven.He was just ferrying extra products back and forth in wheely cages and was getting more and more angry.He didn't even want to talk about the big game.Tall Indian supervisor who can't say his V's properly said,"we have a wisit make sure the cigarette counter is full with no gaps."
The King was scurrying back and forth with a trail of supervisors running behind him and fawning to all his needs.Lots of clipboards were being utilised and he was even seen pushing a trolley,that's how serious this visit was.The culture of fear had been increased several notches.Every minute a supervisor was on the scene preening the display's.I worked with a cool graphic design graduate who played the game with the females.
The punters seem to be more tired on Friday's which is understandable with it being the end of the week.The American girls are the easiest victims on the TPS because they are just so up for a laugh and a bit of surrepticious piss taking.
At the end of the day i don't think the visit even took place,i maintain it was just a bluff from head office to get the store looking good.As serious manager told me rather proudly,"we're the highest grossing store in London so they pick us out for visit's"
I tried to get some crucial info out of her for tax credits but maybe today wasn't a good idea.My neck has been really hurting me since i've started doing manual work again after a long absence so off to the osteopath after work.
Saturday 19th June 2010 2pm-10pm
After coaching a group of 6 and 7 year old boys i arrived at 2pm and immediately regretted my decision.I knew this would be a very hard shift and they have different staff at weekends but Somalian security was there and he broke the ice with me on the common ground of the World Cup.Its amazing how unifying football is in any situation.
Now,the weekend staff are a clique of non whites who seem to get a kick out of the fact that they are weekend staff.There is an Asian married woman who dresses immaculately with lots of makeup and appears very jolly and up for a laugh.Then there is a very attractive girl who could be Polish but wears the full Muslim headscarf and has a diamond ring on her wedding finger.I can only assume she married a Muslim and converted because there is no way she was born Islam.
The tall Indian was there and he asked me if i wanted to work on Sunday the response was "I need to have a day off to play cricket".I'm trying to arrange a friendly cricket match with his team who play in Ilford and i reckon are quite handy Asian's.
I haven't really gone into the eating habits of the British population especially the young women.Its normal to see young girls just eat a bag of Gok Yan crisps and have a fizzy drink,they are the ones who are worried about putting on an ounce of weight.Then we have the opposite end of the scale,the fat birds who have doughnuts,crisps and chocolate.This is very worrying in view of the increase in obesity cases in this country.I am genuinely concerned but still don't hold back of TPS when i see a single overweight woman.The dynamic on Saturday is different,the punters are more relaxed but you get a lot more Brits who complain about the extortionate prices for cigarettes.I take pleasure in reminding them its a bad habit as well as expensive.
There was a very officious weekend Asian supervisor who was on my shift.You know the type,rimless glasses about 30 years old and face never cracked an inch.Fair dues he's trying to do his job properly but once again the culture of fear remains but of course these Asian supervisors are very friendly with the Asian staff.Being a white Brit i felt out of place but gay boy from my interview was there today and that made me feel better.Also,the Bangla boy from the interview was there,he now calls himself Russell,but we had a good laugh working together until he smashed his head on one of the cash holders but he wore it well.
On a more serious note,i saw one of the female staff sobbing in the staff room.I tried to assist but she didn't want to tell me what was wrong.It transpired that her brother had died.She had to contact serious Indian before leaving work just in case she got the you know what.
The french single girls are really nice especially when i attempt my pigeon French on them but of course they appear briefly and disappear just as quickly.
I can't work this late shift on a Saturday again its too demanding so on Monday i will let them know.Hopefully,I won't get the boot but my good TPS should bail me out.
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