Wednesday 8th September 2010.7am-2pm
Another 3 hours on my own in the quiet unit.It was very disturbing because i started thinking about wasted opportunites and felt depressed.
This started out as a 3 month summer job to get out of the house and now i need to beg the king's assistant for a permanent full time contract.
Ebony starts at 10am every day but because its book day i stay on the till whilst she changes the books over.I managed to get her to open up slightly about her life but she is a very closed person.
So far,i have established that she is a single mum with a 19 year old daughter.She has a freelance hairdressing business from home which supplements her income.None of the management take the piss out of her because she's too scary for that.They leave her alone and she does the time and goes home on time.
The Algerian was in today after a 24 hour recovery at home.He's still unwell and wrapped up with fleece jumpers.It was interesting today because when i was having my break i managed to listen to the King and the Algerian talking about wage rises in the managers office.
I cupped my ear to the wall and had a good listen.The Algerian was being scolded by the king,in much the same way a father tells off his child for not listening,for not waering a tie to work.This discussion went on for about 3 minutes with the King suggesting he goes to a shop in Wembley Park to buy his ties.Then,they got down to business.From what i could understand,a supervisor can either take a maximum hourly salary of £8.12p or a percentage of monthly profit on the unit they manage.
The Algerian took the hourly wage and they finished the meeting laughing together.
The King has tremendous power over the supervisors and they are terrified of him.
At 1pm i went down to the usual unit and had 2 disturbing experiences working with rasta boy.
An elderly French woman was trying to purchase a copy of Le Figaro when i heard the following exchange of views,"You are very rude aren't you?" rasta boy said.
He continued with "Don't throw the money down on the till i deserve to be treated better than that,in this country we put the money in the hand not on the counter" he was furious and had lost the plot.
The poor woman didn't speak English very well and departed the unit in a state of shock.
Then 5 minutes later he did it again to a defenceless English toff.However,she wasn't going to take this abuse lying down.
"Oh my god,oh my god,oh my god you are supposed to be offering me a service" she said in shock.
"I don't care i'm not your servant,throwing the money on the till isn't acceptable" he answered aggressively.
"I'm going to tell the management immediately about your appaling behaviour" she replied.
"Good,my name is ........ and you can find a manager in the big unit down there" he hissed whilst swearing under his breath.
I had a brief word with him but he had become a different person.He is frustrated at being at the PLC so long and its affecting his mental health.I can relate to that already and i've been here 3 months.
After my shift finished i went to see the king's assistant and tried to negotiate a new contract.They can't give me a 30 hour/wk permanent contract just 24 hours a week for the next 4 weeks and then maybe a vacancy may have come up.
I can't allow them to keep me hanging on like a kid waiting for his weekly pocket money.Maybe its time to move on.
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Tube Strike
Tuesday 7th September 2010.7am-2pm
An early start again and left home in plenty of time to avoid the predictable road chaos.
Arrived on time and once again was summoned to the quiet unit.The Algerian had finally taken a day off,which was well deserved.
Of course this meant that all the early crew were more relaxed.The queen came up to my unit with the albino.He still hasn't plucked up the courage to ask out the burly black female security guard.He is very insecure around the women and uses me as a sounding board.I told him that unless he asks her on a date then she will never know that he likes her.
The albino was being very crude as usual which isn't in keeping with the principles of Ramadan.Fortunately,the black MILF arrived at 10am at which point i went for my break.
The legend was munching on some budget scones from Lidl and we somehow started talking about heavyweight boxing.Obviously,this descended into savage criticism of great fighters.
He doesn't rate Lennox Lewis and called him a "lazy fighter".Apparently,its easy to win an Olympic gold medal.I made my excuses and went to investigate the possibility of going to Finchley to collect my boy from school after work.The Northern Line was running normally so i called HID (her in doors) to tell her the good news that i would be collecting him.
I returned to the other unit where i met the actor and the queen.Business was much slower today so there wasn't much hard graft to do.I like the hard grunt because it makes the shift go quicker.
I got talking to a lovely Canadian cougar who was in London overnight before flying home tomorrow.I have noticed that a lot of women don't wear bra's especially foreign women.
The shift was over and i walked briskly to Euston station to make my way to the suburbs.
An early start again and left home in plenty of time to avoid the predictable road chaos.
Arrived on time and once again was summoned to the quiet unit.The Algerian had finally taken a day off,which was well deserved.
Of course this meant that all the early crew were more relaxed.The queen came up to my unit with the albino.He still hasn't plucked up the courage to ask out the burly black female security guard.He is very insecure around the women and uses me as a sounding board.I told him that unless he asks her on a date then she will never know that he likes her.
The albino was being very crude as usual which isn't in keeping with the principles of Ramadan.Fortunately,the black MILF arrived at 10am at which point i went for my break.
The legend was munching on some budget scones from Lidl and we somehow started talking about heavyweight boxing.Obviously,this descended into savage criticism of great fighters.
He doesn't rate Lennox Lewis and called him a "lazy fighter".Apparently,its easy to win an Olympic gold medal.I made my excuses and went to investigate the possibility of going to Finchley to collect my boy from school after work.The Northern Line was running normally so i called HID (her in doors) to tell her the good news that i would be collecting him.
I returned to the other unit where i met the actor and the queen.Business was much slower today so there wasn't much hard graft to do.I like the hard grunt because it makes the shift go quicker.
I got talking to a lovely Canadian cougar who was in London overnight before flying home tomorrow.I have noticed that a lot of women don't wear bra's especially foreign women.
The shift was over and i walked briskly to Euston station to make my way to the suburbs.
Monday, 6 September 2010
Boring Boring Boring
Monday 6th September 2010.7am-2pm
Its a big week this week but the 7am starts make a big difference.
I was shunted up to the dead unit and feared the worst.A day in that place is enough to make Paul McKenna depressed.
Its ugly and old Nothern women with the occasional Eurostar straggler.The Algerian's cold has taken a turn for the worse.He now has a full beard and was wearing two fleece tops zipped up to the neck.
"Are you still unwell?" i ventured.
"Its terrrible mate,i was just about to leave a message for the king and tell him i can't work when the queen called me and said he couldn't come in" he replied.
I felt sympathy for him,he works his balls off for the PLC and doesn't realise that his health is more important.Ramadan hasn't finished yet so he's in a bad way.
It was the usual shtick.Running between the cage of stock and the till like a demented fool.However,it was so quiet i managed to read most of the papers and especially liked the Wayne Rooney story.
I also asked the Algerian to have a word with the king's assistant about some new hours.He will try and help and because he likes having me working on his shift hopefully he will swing it.
There was no excitement today and no attractive women to write about.
Its a big week this week but the 7am starts make a big difference.
I was shunted up to the dead unit and feared the worst.A day in that place is enough to make Paul McKenna depressed.
Its ugly and old Nothern women with the occasional Eurostar straggler.The Algerian's cold has taken a turn for the worse.He now has a full beard and was wearing two fleece tops zipped up to the neck.
"Are you still unwell?" i ventured.
"Its terrrible mate,i was just about to leave a message for the king and tell him i can't work when the queen called me and said he couldn't come in" he replied.
I felt sympathy for him,he works his balls off for the PLC and doesn't realise that his health is more important.Ramadan hasn't finished yet so he's in a bad way.
It was the usual shtick.Running between the cage of stock and the till like a demented fool.However,it was so quiet i managed to read most of the papers and especially liked the Wayne Rooney story.
I also asked the Algerian to have a word with the king's assistant about some new hours.He will try and help and because he likes having me working on his shift hopefully he will swing it.
There was no excitement today and no attractive women to write about.
Contract Negotiations
Friday 3rd September 2010.2pm-6pm
Its the last day of the short shifts and i have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of the PLC for at least the next 12 months.
I had a quick chat with the sex bomb and took 2 fruitellas from her.She smiled seductively as i walked out of the staff room.
Sandy Gall bags was her usual bubbly self and i told her that i would now like a permanent full time position.She said she would tell the king's assistant and try and help me out.
I proceeded to the usual unit and was greeted by the Noel Clarke extra who i hadn't worked with since i trained him up all those weeks ago.
He's an ok bloke.He is grateful to have a job whilst maintaining the manufactured street image of lots of young London males.
He doesn't have the confidence or desire to undertake banter with the punters.He also has his mobile with him and is regularly sending emails and texts on his crackberry.
Its amazing that almost everyone from lowly paid workers to senior executives now possesses a blackberry.All i know is that when i had one it took over my life and nearly cost me my marriage.
The phone went and my stomach doesn't turn over anymore because i'm so comfortable in this job.
The king's assistant asked me what hours i would like next week and i told her about my change of circumstances.I requested a permanent full time position and preferably 6am-2pm 4 days a week.
After a short silence she uttered the immortal line,"I will play with the figures and come back to you".
This is a line she uses regularly and of course is a ploy used by management in all sectors to buy time.
I hope it works out but the uncertainty will have an impact on my weekend.
Its the last day of the short shifts and i have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of the PLC for at least the next 12 months.
I had a quick chat with the sex bomb and took 2 fruitellas from her.She smiled seductively as i walked out of the staff room.
Sandy Gall bags was her usual bubbly self and i told her that i would now like a permanent full time position.She said she would tell the king's assistant and try and help me out.
I proceeded to the usual unit and was greeted by the Noel Clarke extra who i hadn't worked with since i trained him up all those weeks ago.
He's an ok bloke.He is grateful to have a job whilst maintaining the manufactured street image of lots of young London males.
He doesn't have the confidence or desire to undertake banter with the punters.He also has his mobile with him and is regularly sending emails and texts on his crackberry.
Its amazing that almost everyone from lowly paid workers to senior executives now possesses a blackberry.All i know is that when i had one it took over my life and nearly cost me my marriage.
The phone went and my stomach doesn't turn over anymore because i'm so comfortable in this job.
The king's assistant asked me what hours i would like next week and i told her about my change of circumstances.I requested a permanent full time position and preferably 6am-2pm 4 days a week.
After a short silence she uttered the immortal line,"I will play with the figures and come back to you".
This is a line she uses regularly and of course is a ploy used by management in all sectors to buy time.
I hope it works out but the uncertainty will have an impact on my weekend.
Friday, 3 September 2010
Slovakian stripper.
Thursday 2nd September 2010.2pm-10pm
I had agreed to work more hours today but was reeling from the news that i will have to pay full tuition fees if i wish to undertake the 3 year full time degree.
I was cheered up by the site of the Slovakian sex bomb in the staff room.She hasn't batted an eyelid at me in all the time i have worked at the PLC.Our hours are different so our paths don't cross.Not any more!!!!
She was wearing an all in one black trouser suit which showed off her well proportioned ripe melons.
I was reading a magazine which she snatched out of my hand playfully and started a conversation about gossip magazines and how she hated celebrities.
The only other person in the staff room was the Giraffe who seems permanently depressed and doesn't talk anyway apart from grunting noises.
The sex bomb started to change in front of me whilst attempting to slip her official pink tight PLC t-shirt under her top.
"If you are shy you should maybe change in the toilet" i chortled.
"I am ok changing here and i'm not shy" she replied.
So,an interesting first communication between us.She is very close to Sandy Gall bags and probably doesn't know i'm married.
I have a few tales about her.Rasta boy reckons he's been trying but hasn't made any progress and the albino took her number but failed to meet her for a coffee in Tottenham.She allegedly told rasta boy recently that she needs sex!!
Albino thinks she is a tease.When i reached the unit to start my shift the Algerian was clearing out all the Richard and Judy book club promotional material and kicking it along the concourse.After 1 day the club had been ditched and all the books returned whence they came.He was furious and what's more when Judy was questioned on their show that morning where the launch had taken place she didn't know!!
Yet again the unit was a complete mess probably due to the fact that the queen doesn't work on Friday mornings and i haven't been in to get the place organised.
It was mainly till work and sales of Tony Blair's new book were quite brisk.It was reduced to £12.50 from £25 within 24 hours of the launch.I noticed its mainly foreigners buying the book who appear more interested in it than the Brits.
There were a few attractive women but i was making plans in my head all shift for life instead of university.I worked with the anorexic kitchen sink for 2 hours.Yesterday she was doubled over with PMT pain and at one stage went pale and nearly collapsed.
The sex bomb surfaced to cash up and has a mouth like a sewer.She likes using expletives which quite frankly makes a woman very unattractive no matter how they look.
Her parting comment was "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow".
I had agreed to work more hours today but was reeling from the news that i will have to pay full tuition fees if i wish to undertake the 3 year full time degree.
I was cheered up by the site of the Slovakian sex bomb in the staff room.She hasn't batted an eyelid at me in all the time i have worked at the PLC.Our hours are different so our paths don't cross.Not any more!!!!
She was wearing an all in one black trouser suit which showed off her well proportioned ripe melons.
I was reading a magazine which she snatched out of my hand playfully and started a conversation about gossip magazines and how she hated celebrities.
The only other person in the staff room was the Giraffe who seems permanently depressed and doesn't talk anyway apart from grunting noises.
The sex bomb started to change in front of me whilst attempting to slip her official pink tight PLC t-shirt under her top.
"If you are shy you should maybe change in the toilet" i chortled.
"I am ok changing here and i'm not shy" she replied.
So,an interesting first communication between us.She is very close to Sandy Gall bags and probably doesn't know i'm married.
I have a few tales about her.Rasta boy reckons he's been trying but hasn't made any progress and the albino took her number but failed to meet her for a coffee in Tottenham.She allegedly told rasta boy recently that she needs sex!!
Albino thinks she is a tease.When i reached the unit to start my shift the Algerian was clearing out all the Richard and Judy book club promotional material and kicking it along the concourse.After 1 day the club had been ditched and all the books returned whence they came.He was furious and what's more when Judy was questioned on their show that morning where the launch had taken place she didn't know!!
Yet again the unit was a complete mess probably due to the fact that the queen doesn't work on Friday mornings and i haven't been in to get the place organised.
It was mainly till work and sales of Tony Blair's new book were quite brisk.It was reduced to £12.50 from £25 within 24 hours of the launch.I noticed its mainly foreigners buying the book who appear more interested in it than the Brits.
There were a few attractive women but i was making plans in my head all shift for life instead of university.I worked with the anorexic kitchen sink for 2 hours.Yesterday she was doubled over with PMT pain and at one stage went pale and nearly collapsed.
The sex bomb surfaced to cash up and has a mouth like a sewer.She likes using expletives which quite frankly makes a woman very unattractive no matter how they look.
Her parting comment was "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow".
Richard and Judy
Wednesday 1st September 2010.2pm-6pm
The previous day there had been lots of activity with new books and a scheme called the "Richard and Judy Book Club".
When i arrived Sandy Gall bags was in her finest bib and tucker but she could never scrub up well.You know how they say that owners start to resemble their dogs,she falls into that category.
Apparently Richard and Judy turned up and had some photos taken in all of the units whilst promoting some new books on a buy 1 get 1 free deal.
They didn't talk to any of the staff or punters and just went upstairs to the champagne bar to quaff finest quality bubbly with some seafood.
The staff were scathing of their arrogance and furthermore they had an entourage of 10 people ranging from make up to PA's.
A consequence of this "media event" was that all the work had been chanelled into the launch and the unit resembled a kids birthday party.
The Algerian had a heavy cold which obviously made his suspect temperament even more suspect.I did my Red Adair impression and within 2 hours we were ahead of the game again.
The Slovak sex bomb has been made night supervisor which could be interesting.These 4 hours shifts fly by but working with rasta boy and the asian DJ is a laugh.
The Asian DJ had a disciplinary this week and the CCTV evidence found in his favour.This now leaves Somalian security facing a misconduct charge due to incorrect procedure when dealing with a suspected shoplifter.Apparently,he accused the DJ of not arresting the suspect even though we are only sales assistants.A plastic policeman then got involved and the whole situation desended into a Whitehall farce in front of the punters.
The previous day there had been lots of activity with new books and a scheme called the "Richard and Judy Book Club".
When i arrived Sandy Gall bags was in her finest bib and tucker but she could never scrub up well.You know how they say that owners start to resemble their dogs,she falls into that category.
Apparently Richard and Judy turned up and had some photos taken in all of the units whilst promoting some new books on a buy 1 get 1 free deal.
They didn't talk to any of the staff or punters and just went upstairs to the champagne bar to quaff finest quality bubbly with some seafood.
The staff were scathing of their arrogance and furthermore they had an entourage of 10 people ranging from make up to PA's.
A consequence of this "media event" was that all the work had been chanelled into the launch and the unit resembled a kids birthday party.
The Algerian had a heavy cold which obviously made his suspect temperament even more suspect.I did my Red Adair impression and within 2 hours we were ahead of the game again.
The Slovak sex bomb has been made night supervisor which could be interesting.These 4 hours shifts fly by but working with rasta boy and the asian DJ is a laugh.
The Asian DJ had a disciplinary this week and the CCTV evidence found in his favour.This now leaves Somalian security facing a misconduct charge due to incorrect procedure when dealing with a suspected shoplifter.Apparently,he accused the DJ of not arresting the suspect even though we are only sales assistants.A plastic policeman then got involved and the whole situation desended into a Whitehall farce in front of the punters.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
Vibrator
Tuesday 31st August 2010.2pm-6pm
The first of the new shifts got underway in my usual unit.I have taken over the hours vacated by the fat Indian bird who has departed for Mumbai and a job,probably lined up by Dad,in Singapore commencing in January 2011.
The afternoon dynamic is a bit different.The business is steady rather than frenetic.
It looks like i will be working with rasta boy all week which is always a good laugh.
A French asian woman approached the till and sked for some AAA batteries.I usually ask the punter to double check the batteries because if they open the packet they won't get a refund.
She reached into her handbag and pulled out a black travel vibrator and proceeded to pull the dildo out of the see through tube.She bought it from Ann Summers and i couldn't resist asking her if she had used it yet.She didn't understand the question but we established that the batteries were unsuitable.We didn't stock the batteries she required and she went on her merry way.
That's what makes this menial job interesting and keeps me coming back for more.
When i told rasta boy what had happened he stood there gawping at me and wondering why things like that don't happen to him!!
He reckons he would have made a move on her based on the evidence available.In reality he is getting more frisky by the day but his approach is all wrong.
The first of the new shifts got underway in my usual unit.I have taken over the hours vacated by the fat Indian bird who has departed for Mumbai and a job,probably lined up by Dad,in Singapore commencing in January 2011.
The afternoon dynamic is a bit different.The business is steady rather than frenetic.
It looks like i will be working with rasta boy all week which is always a good laugh.
A French asian woman approached the till and sked for some AAA batteries.I usually ask the punter to double check the batteries because if they open the packet they won't get a refund.
She reached into her handbag and pulled out a black travel vibrator and proceeded to pull the dildo out of the see through tube.She bought it from Ann Summers and i couldn't resist asking her if she had used it yet.She didn't understand the question but we established that the batteries were unsuitable.We didn't stock the batteries she required and she went on her merry way.
That's what makes this menial job interesting and keeps me coming back for more.
When i told rasta boy what had happened he stood there gawping at me and wondering why things like that don't happen to him!!
He reckons he would have made a move on her based on the evidence available.In reality he is getting more frisky by the day but his approach is all wrong.
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