Sunday, 11 July 2010

Mr Fixit and The Anorexic

July 10th 2010 3pm - 9pm.

I arrived early as usual and started my shift early to assist The Legend who was getting a rare outing at the weekend.

Today the following characters were present: The Legend,slim Indian graduate,Polish Muslim,Russell (Rohul/Raoul),Noel Clarke extra,gayboy who isn't gay anymore and introducing the troubleshooter.

There is a young Pakistani male in his early 20's who,even though he isn't management,is the bloke we go to in the event of a problem.
He has been slaving away at the PLC for 2 years but told me that when he completes his computer studies degree he will go back to Pakistan."Even my parents think i'm wasting my time at the PLC" he told me one day.

He is also a blatant womaniser but is one fo those guys who girls want as a friend rather than a lover.
The Polish muslim and the slim Indian graduate are his girls and he continuously excuses them heavy manual work which i suppose is fair.The deal with this guy is that even the supervisors ask him solutions to problems.I've noticed that the supervisors, except Sandy Gall bags, can't deal with problems and they often engage the troubleshooter to bail them out of a hole.

Within an hour of working,the plump Indian supervisor had asked me to work until 10pm.He has started calling me Mr Flexi in reference to my stupid mistake at the interview when i told them i am flexible.I'm the only member of the entire workforce who is flexible.That means they can take the proverbial out of me and ask me to work any hours they want.

No matter how hard i tried the punters just weren't engaging in the banter.The heat had wiped most of them out.The English women are the best in the heat.They turn up with red faces and beads of sweat on their brows and are very stroppy.Some of them resembled Zombies.

The anorexic bird turned up at about 5pm.She was built like Victoria Beckham and had a face like the ex wife of Charles Spencer.I started talking to her because if she had some meat on the bone she would have been attractive.Another characteristic of anorexics is hairy arms and covered arms.Apparently,lack of food creates hair to keep the sufferers warm,the hair acts as a barrier.She purchased a few health bars and was from Belgium but obviously doesn't partake in waffles,chips or chocolates.

She returned a few minutes later to spend the last of her shrapnel and refused to buy the large bars of Aeros on special and spent her money on another health bar.

Most of the shift was spent with Russell,Raoul,Rohul.He still hasn't been given a standard issue t-shirt and was wearing casual clothes.He hates till work and spends most of the time floating around the unit tidying up,or so he says.He is very lazy and a messy worker.The highlight of his shift was selling 2 bags of Haribos and 3 Aeros to a Spanish woman who couldn't speak English.He smiled to himself after completing the transaction and immediately replenished his pile of junk food.

I had a look around the unit and that lazy git hadn't even tidied the fridge that doesn't work.We sold a lot of warm drinks today.

My final hour was spent back in the big unit with the Polish muslim tidying up.
I was given my "flexi" hours for next week and i am going to have to speak to the King on Monday morning.

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