Wednesday, 14 July 2010

The return of the King

14th July 2010.8am-4pm

It appears as if i am now a permanent member of the big unit team.It turns over the most dosh and is the trophy unit in the station.

This means that the Legend,the cockney scrubber,Bollywood Princess,Sherman Klump and the slim Indian cricketer are my colleagues.

The Legend had his blood test yesterday and i enquired if it went well.The answer was in the affirmative.I overheard the King speaking on his phone about his wife's pregnancy.He has been out of action for 2 days because his trouble and strife is experiencing complications.I hope she is ok.He was strangely subdued because of his personal issues.The king's assistant has been running the show because the operations manager is on leave as well as Sandy Gall bags.

The king's assistant only speaks when necessary and she also has that annoying habit of "can you do me a favour" when asking for assistance.We chatted briefly about Raoul Moat and the copper he shot.She always brings in a packed lunch and i reckon has a really boring empty life and is probably unattached.

The Algerian is milking his new nickname of "The English" and every time he saw me he kept on repeating it and winking at me.I told him i'm proud to be English just like "you're proud to be Algerian".

These supervisors have suddenly become overfamiliar with me and it could be because the Legend is going in for the operation next week and they need someone to be efficient and organised.

The Legend bought 2 packets of scones from Iceland and that's his lunch for the next couple of weeks.The cockney scrubber doesn't eat lunch at work but just wastes her money on items like Wet Ones which are £1.45 and these ridiculous girly snacks which cost £1 and can be eaten in 2 mouthfuls.

The rise of diabetes amongst older people is worrying and according to the paramedic graduate,Bollywood Princess,is directly linked to obesity.The Legend was diagnosed with diabetes in later life and told me he used to be massively overweight.He was given an ultimatum of "change your lifestyle or die early."
He makes a gurgling sound when laughing and once again was making jokes about not having enough £5 notes.

He forces punters to change their brand of mineral water in order to achieve good TPS.He does this by keeping a stash of Vittell water next to his patch and grabs their Buxton out of their hands and says "you don't want that water have this one its cheaper with the Torygraph".

We joked about being sat on by Sherman Klump and he laughed out loud.Another lie from him was that he used to work 135 hours a week at the major pizza chain.
The slim Indian cricketer was softening me up today "we need someone who knows what they are doing when the Legend goes on leave,and you're the man".
Reading between the lines that means lots more trips to the store and shlepping heavy cages.I've worked out that all the management do is arrange breaks,ensure the shelves are full and delegate more menial tasks.Of course the downside is that they have to answer to the King.

I am trying to build up rapport with the regular female punters so i can suck them into TPS purchases.All in all its quite enjoyable.

Bollywood made her entrance at 2pm closely followed by Sherman Klump.She is always yawning and complaining of bad feet.The troubleshooter was all over her like a cheap suit again but she smiled at me when i saw it take place and she now knows the score with these predatory Asian males.

The cash office rotweiller is now very friendly to me and is actually ok.

Mr Klump asked me for the fridge temperature reader and i caught him out.
"Do you have a problem bending down" i said sarcastically.
"Yes" he replied sheepishly.

Due to his enormous belly he can only do things that are at waist level or above.Now i know why he has these certain tasks he performs.He can't do anything else but he's a decent bloke.

Rasta boy surfaced briefly and i'm now friendly with all of the staff.

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