Teaching Actor Dave

Friday 6th August 2010.6am-2pm

As I entered the station i saw one of the boys pushing a cage full of newspapers and he said "You look younger every time i see you,what's your secret?"
"Lots of exercise,no drinking,no smoking, and lots of sex" i replied.

I was banished to the small unit at 6am where i was joined by: The female Terry Thomas,Slow boy and Actor Dave.

Terry Thomas was only with me for an hour before The Algerian moved her to another unit.Slow boy did his usual thing which was unload the sandwiches and smoothies,prepare a list,go to the stock room,bring the stock back on a standard issue cage and then distribute the products.He returned at 10.18am.

The Friday early morning business was steady but manageable which gave me time to prepare an impressive selection of TPS on my section.

More importantly actor Dave was with me for the first time since i began work at the PLC.

We discussed several important subjects such as,French women,fake tan,sun beds,single English women and obesity.

When one has the pleasure of working with slow boy and actor Dave one has to have patience and tolerance because they haven't got a brain cell between them.

Once again the actor was making "arrrgh" noises when faced with tricky punters and under pressure.In all the time i have been at the PLC i haven't seen him have one conversation with a female.

He told me that he maybe moving back to Norwich with his parents soon which is where he was born.

"How long have you been working here?" i asked the actor.
"3 years in October" he answered.
"You need to get out mate and move on with the rest of your life" i countered
"Aaarrgh" he grunted.

I intentionally tried very hard today to try and help the actor learn how to engage in conversations with members of the opposite sex.

I told him that if i was single and much younger i would be in utopia.The sheer volume of females that we meet every day,albeit for a short time,would result in at least a few dates.

I showed him the way and told him to look at their wedding ring fingers and assess the shop to see if their is a boyfriend/husband hovering in the unit.

Ensure that you greet them with "Hello,how are you today?" or "Bonjour,comment allez vous?".Of course the French greeting can only happen if you are certain they are le Francais.

"Once the ice has been broken you can then ask them whether they are travelling or on their way to work.If they are still talking at this stage then you're in with a chance" i explained.

It must have worked because a miracle took place,within 2 hours he was talking to women for the first time in his life.I sense of fatherly pride engulfed me.

On Friday's the Algerian loses the plot.He has worked so hard all week and by the time we reach the end of the week he becomes increasingly abusive to the staff.
He went on the Tills today which was a fisrt and i had a good laugh watching him trying to show us how to undertake successful TPS with an Algerian accent and 4 days growth.

He knew i was taking the piss out of him but he was in a different world by now.They called me back into the big unit for a final 2 hour blitz.It was manic,the King was even behind a till at one point dealing with a problem.He may be incredibly rude but he is very calm under pressure and deals with problems methodically.

2pm was here and off i went passing the evening crew and exchanging brief pleasantries.

The mobile went at 5.35pm and it was the King "Hi,i was hoping to catch up with you after your shift.You know how you always work Saturday's but you're not down to work this Saturday can you work tomorrow?" he requested.
"I've made plans already sorry i can't help you" I replied.

The King only talks to us if he wants something,that's his management style.